How to get fat in no time

Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

Gaining weight with science

If you want to become fat and quickly then there is nothing like a scientific approach to follow to achieve this goal.

It is known that sugar, fructose and starchy food consumption is the best possible way to go. Eating foods that contain these ingredients causes Insulin hormone level in the blood to be high. If you eat frequently Insulin stays high for prolonged period of times. Insulin is the hormone, when elevated, that directs fat cells to store incoming energy as fat. When Insulin is low, the reverse is happening and your body starts tapping into fat storage (but we want to gain fat here. Aren’t we?).

When and what to eat to gain fat?

Now, armed with the science we know what to do. Eat sugary, starchy foods, aka processed foods, and do it as frequently as possible. Let’s say 6 times a day for simplicity.


Well, start eating as soon as you wake up. Don’t forget to select cereals with the highest amount of sugar possible. Add skim milk, honey and maybe maple syrup to the mix. Finish with a big glass of orange juice and maybe a cup of latte with sugar. Why not?

Snack time

Now, that you anticipate your lunch it’s time to eat a snack, any chocolate or energy bar will do. Don’t forget to drink a cup of tea or coffee with sugar or even sugar free sweetener, they cause the same Insulin spike, so never mind.


Hooray, lunch time is here and it’s time to focus on pastas, pizzas, potatoes, you name it. Remember that catchup and sweet chilly sauce is the best to add a lot. Why not? At the end of lunch, for desert, indulge yourself with croissants with chocolate or jam while drinking tea or coffee with honey. If you don’t feel like drinking tea or coffee, then soft drink, diet or not makes the day.

Snack time again

It’s difficult to wait for a dinner, time is crawling. Solution? Eat some more snack bars. The more the better.


This meal is almost like lunch: pasta, pizza, rice, potatoes, sweet sauces, lean meet etc. At the end it’s nice to have a cheese or chocolate cake. This time cappuccino with 2-3 teaspoons of sugar makes the day.

At night

It’s late at night and it’s time to open a fridge and get some beer and bring a pack of chips. You are watching your favorite show on TV or on the Internet. Don’t be shy, having one more beer and some more chips is okay just before going to bed. This will ensure that your Circadian Rhythm goes awry and you accumulate as much fat as possible during your sleep.

Next day

Repeat all over again.

P. S.

What I wrote above is a sarcastic description of how to become fat. Sadly it’s a Standard American Diet (SAD). If you want to lose fat, then stop doing everything mentioned in the post. Fasting can also help a lot.


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